The Making of Viktor "Isildur1" Blom - Part 2 - "Busto. Again"

Introduction part 2

In the first part of the series chronicling the rise of Viktor Blom on the online poker scene we had witnessed his humble beginnings, playing for pennies in home games with ,and his swift ascent to playing $530 SnG's and holding a bankroll of 1.8m SEK. We also saw how he had managed to lose his entire roll, and now that of a good friend - things were not looking good for the future of Viktor Blom as a poker player, will he stay or will he go now?

Part 2:  Busto. Again.

I won’t lose. I can do this. I have to win now!

These are my thoughts. I’m deep in the hole this time. I drop down to $109 SnG’s but the bad run continues,  it has to be the karma from the $310 tables that keep following me. I empty my account completely. WP. I get up, I’m devastated and I don’t know what to do but keep punching the walls. I have never been so….. TILT.

I calm down a bit and I convert the Party Points I’d earned whilst playing. It’s usually not that much, but I had been playing so much that I could cash out $300 - I still have a chance to win it back! I backed down in stakes and started playing $55, $33 and $22 speed SnG’s. These were my best games and I‘d played a ton of them at much higher stakes. I’d almost always done well at that type of tournament and my only thought is: I have to keep going. I can’t lose it. My account balance is tumbling down and every time someone sucks out feels way worse than losing a $5k pot. I bubble the next SnG and keep punching the wall.

I get up and walk around, even more devastated. I get back to the computer and realize I can afford to play two $22 SnG’s. I realize where I’m heading, but I can’t give up. I want it back so bad but still I keep losing. I’ve emptied the account again!!!!!?????? `%!"¤#!!

It’s just past 7am when I lie down in my bed. I’ve never felt this bad before. Then I realize that I have a meeting at school in 2 hours - It’s about my absence, I don't actually have any classes until 1pm. Thanks, I needed that break!

I go to the meeting and I promise to attend all classes, so that I can keep my government funding. Government Funding – A lot of money…. then I go back home to get some sleep before my class. When I get back to school I find that the class has been cancelled! Nice, I can’t believe I had to go back to school for nothing, my entire life is rigged. I go back home to sleep for another hour before my alarm clock wakes me up for the third time in four hours. I go back to school to see my friend, the same friend who’s bankroll I blew last night. I tell him everything and feel very ashamed. I feel like a gambling addict.

I had some money that I was supposed to pay my rent and stuff like that with. This backup had allowed me to lose it all but it meant that I now had to call home. This is going be ugly, I thought, my parents will go mental. I can only hope that it will be a short discussion. My dad loses it but mum is more understanding so I talk to my mum. I can still hear my dad. - #"!!!#!". I’m sick of it. I’m the one who lost my money. I know what I’ve done. What I’ve done is sick,  I’ve lost insane amounts. I’ve played on a friends account and lost his money. I know all this, but I feel that my anxiety and regrets would be enough,  I don’t need him to yell at me. I know I deserve it but I felt so bad that if I ever were to contemplate suicide it would’ve been then. I never thought about suicide thought,  all I wanted to do was to pay my friend back and not to hear any more about it. I didn’t want to move back home. My parents would support me with 5,500 SEK ($840) each month . This should cover food, rent and stuff like that. They can’t cut me off, can they? I figured out my financial situation. Somehow…

My parents wanted me to move back home when they found out about what I had done. I could barely think about moving back home. I told them I would get a job quickly. I had a girlfriend back then and I wouldn't be able to see her if I moved back home. We lived pretty far apart as it was.

I told them that I would stop playing poker. I always thought that I would be able to make a living from playing poker but I’d been playing stakes as low as $55, $33 and $22 when I busted my account. What am I supposed to do with grades that won’t get me in to college, when I can’t beat those stakes?

I promised my parents I'd get a job quickly If I didn’t I have to move back home. Panic! I really need a job and, more importantly, cash. Poker? Can’t think about it.

Friday night: I barely have enough money to go out drinking, but what can I do besides drinking and XXXXX to try and forget? As it turns out, I couldn’t even do that -  I passed out. At least it felt nice to wake up without a hangover.! The days passed as usual and I kept thinking about my situation and found myself filled with regret. I kept thinking that I knew I could make a living playing poker, why would I need an education? I thought about my situation for several days and realized that I had three options:

  1. Move back home. This would mean that I would have to quit poker and focus on school.
  2. Get a job. Quit Poker.
  3. Poker

I needed cash quickly, If I couldn’t get cash I’d have to move back home. I spoke to my mum about the situation. It turns out my dad had already told her to call my landlord to tell him that I was moving out but mum was more understanding. She gave me some time but she insisted that I should focus more on my schoolwork. She ended every conversation with: No more poker! – Of course not, mum.

I had my options lined up. I had to make a choice. I choose poker, I would give it a final shot. I’d lost control of my life, I knew I’d lost it, It was obvious to me, but this time there was no return. I had to do it.


Continue to part three: Back against the wall



Disclaimer: "The making of Isildur1" series was originally published on svenskaspelare.com. HighstakesDB has been given exclusive rights to publish the english translated version.

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